Constant Reminder

As grey as the cement I walk on,

So is my spirit of which the lights have been dimmed.

I walk on, pavement after pavement.

Pushing the trash beside me,

Reminding myself that it’s sunny somewhere.

Somewhere outside this city. 

Clear Blue Saturday

I woke up to the morning with the bright sun cutting through my blinds. He tried to fix the problem a week ago by hanging up my Persian scarves, but I need those for the wind. I took them down.

I could feel the thickness of the black and mild in my mouth and the lingering alcohol from the pub down the street. Last night was a dark one. 

My eyes are puffy from the beating of my own head. 

I'm sorry for the things I've done. 

Today there is an offbeat.

Wake up

Ghost

This past weekend, I went to visit my dad in Arizona whom I haven't seen in 11 years. 

Watching her play "The Entertainer" on the keyboard,

 I was completely overwhelmed with a vast ocean of dark emptiness.

I've completely dived into a realm where I did not belong.

 I could never belong.

But I already knew this.

I didnt know how to act or what to say.

 I have nothing that has prepared me for this.

 The little girl has so much excitement to see me

but I could care less about her.

She is not me, and I am not her.

There lay the initial problem.

 The little boy has down syndrome.

and autism.

he is the only person I can relate to

 as we share the same bewilderment towards each other.

We stare with trouble

trying to comprehend these two lives crossing. 

I can barely muster up a fake smile or laugh.

 I can barely carry on a conversaton.

What am I doing here?

I feel like a ghost who realizes everyone in the room can see me.

 I sit in silent anger.

All this was premeditated.

So why then, am I choking?

This house in which I sit,

This music which fills up my ears;

This was all taken away from me. 

And Im the only one that really understands its magnitude on my soul.

Too much time has passed for anyone to try and put a bandage on the wounds.

Too much time has passed for anyone to cap the nightmeres. 

I was the only one that tried to split the gap. 

I was the only one that cared.



Fade Away

Would you consider me a martian if it came down to it?

I wasn't ready for the consequences so I dumped it.

Would you think of me as strong because I only chose to be free?

Thinking of myself first because that's what the world needs.

We fade away. Remembering the choices that we made. 

But I'll always remember you tomorrow.

Because I choose to enjoy today.

Modern Death Trap

Based off what you're telling me, you no longer believe in magic.

you have chosen to be forgotten

you have chosen to be fatigued.

Based off what I'm seeing, your a dying soul, a fogged out rainbow

greying out of the spectrum.

I'll pity you tomorrow

Im too busy sniffing flowers.

Come to me next week and I'll have your color pallette ready

I'll rub it in your face, your skin

I'll cover you with petals and daffodillies.

There now, go to sleep

rest your eyes

become obsolete

Rest your head, never wake up

your trapped in a world of grime and muck

This is what you have chosen.

this is what you believe.

leave me to my fairies, I'll be seeing you beneath the trees.

Lapses

  PLEASE NOTE: DIALOGUE MUST BE READ IN A BRITISH ACCENT. 

and she, in dismay, said to him
                    "Benjamin, just who do you think you are sitting there with your dick out like that?!"
Annabella knew right away that what she said wasn't valid.

                  "aww come on Beli, you know what a cheater smells like now dont you?"

"thats enough! go straight to your bedroom!"

                 "Im sorry bub, but we are still in this chariot, got a few more streets and alleys to be wobblin on."

no words. the door slams.

             "go on then ya cunt. off with your head"


               
           

Framework

Law of Gravity

we came up from the beach at night

the bridge doomed under a sheet of fog- orange glowing.

the bus horned down the hill like a life size slug storming to get me.

i stood up, staggering with fleet and flight. arms up in surrender.

i was told to just sit down;wave them off.

the raccoons kept staring. a thousand pairs of eyes reflecting off my lights.

i ran but the pavement kept on moving.

we were droogs in the night bending backwards and forwards possessed with heaving laughter.

we pulsated under streetlights.

we melted on walls.

we sat in silence as colorful sweat dribbled down our faces.

our eyes rolled back.

the clock struck midnight as we struggled to count our cash

we ventured to the bus stop and waited.

there, a hopeless man kept on pounding his chest; testosterone flying in the air.

i merely took the greens he offered and left.

thanks.

i was late for a meeting on the next corner.

the appointment commenced.

a bump of life swept through us. back in the realm we were again.

the bus driver nodded, pupils as big as dimes.

dooms day.

i need to get off on 6th.

Salinas

I woke up in a place called Salinas where i moved to the seats with the faced out table.

seating was tight but luckily i snagged a good pair of empty chairs.

I watched the girl as she hugged the man next to her.

she walked through the bus nervous, i told her to sit next to me.

i’d rather her than the old man before her or the cholo after her.

i wanted to ask her about her relationship with that man

but she seemed reserved as we pulled out onto Stone Street past the Holy Mary Church

“yo estoy en los estados unidos” it read.

i figured perhaps she didn’t speak much english.

i wondered where her final destination was and for how long she will be missed

how long will she be thinking about that man

i wondered how they met; and as we passed all the used auto sale lots, i decided to keep her story a mystery.

Salinas- an farm town in the middle of buttfuck, nowhere was her love story

i just saved her a seat.

The Transport

being one in the many makes me feel alive

riding trains and getting lost in the sea of faces as each cell host passes by

engulfed into this membrane of unity-not fully unified- but together we ride the veins that feed this life

this backdrop behind me with pure raw vibe…alone it stands.

alone we stand.stand and deliver the image of what we want to happen today.

against pillars and posts

hiding out in a shadowy host

we remember today as the sad feelings of tomorrow

said nester

what is the still mind in a moving box?

transporting itself back to the center

we ride trains into the tunnels of our minds. hide out for the day and listen to the drops echo in high resonance splash into the emptiness with an opaque sound on the mind’s peace.

we pulse around continuously

where and when can we rest? and even then, can we?

like a vacuum to my stress, i venture out of the city to regain the confidence.

take this day like a lark. take this day like a plunge.